Umm I'm too high to move.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
