Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize