And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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