Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
