dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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