I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
