I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
