I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
