It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
