Buhtt sex?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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