if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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