Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
