I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize