Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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