Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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