You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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