I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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