Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
