i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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