please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
