I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
