maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
