I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
