The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
