he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
