Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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