when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
