i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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