I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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