just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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