what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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