I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
