Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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