just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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