Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
