Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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