you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
