Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize