Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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