We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
