theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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