"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
