ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize