Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
did you just send me my own nude
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
