I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
