it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
