He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
