She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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