I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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