Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
