Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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