Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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