Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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