i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
