Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
