16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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