She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
