Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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