Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
