Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
