bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pants are for mortals
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
