now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
