She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize