Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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