I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
