she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
