His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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