Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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