Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
