New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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