I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
