Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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