Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
