wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
