Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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