shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
