i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
