They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
