So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
