So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
