I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
