Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
