Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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