dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
