I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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