Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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