Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
