I just threw up on my dentist
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
