Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
