I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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