Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize