i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't put those talents on a resume
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
BRING THE BAGELS
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
