I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
