And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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