My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
