i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
