Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
