we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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