Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
