the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then my night got REAL pukey
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
