He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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