He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
