Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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