I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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