i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The air taste purple.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
