this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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