I cannot find my penis.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
