I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
