my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
