y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dignity is for republicans.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
