It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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