How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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