my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
