Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize