I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
